Books : The Survivor's Guide to Sex: How to Have an Empowered Sex Life After Child Sexual Abuse


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Books : The Survivor's Guide to Sex: How to Have an Empowered Sex Life After Child Sexual Abuse


  

The Survivor's Guide to Sex: How to Have an Empowered Sex Life After Child Sexual Abuse

by: Staci Haines








Binding: Paperback
Dewey Decimal Number: 362.7640973
EAN: 9781573440790
ISBN: 1573440795
Label: Cleis Press
Manufacturer: Cleis Press
Number Of Items: 1
Number Of Pages: 300
Publication Date: May 28, 1999
Publisher: Cleis Press
Studio: Cleis Press



Editorial Review:

Product Description:
Based on the author's extensive training and experience in working with abuse survivors, The Survivor's Guide to Sex offers an affirming, sex-positive approach to recovery from incest and rape. While most books on the topic broach sexuality only to reassure women that it is alright to say 'no' to unwanted sex, this one encourages women to learn how to say 'yes' to their own desires and on their own terms.
Points of discussion include problems common to women survivors. Haines teaches survivors to embrace their own sexual choices and preferences, learn about their own sexual response cycles, and heal through masturbation, sexual fantasy, and play. The Survivor's Guide to Sex includes resources, bibliography, and an index.


Amazon.com Review:
Sex-positive and daring, The Survivor's Guide to Sex will support any woman's pursuit of pleasure and confidence. In fact, its cheery outlook may startle those who have been addressing these issues in guarded terms with a therapist, or who haven't put their fears and desires into words. Haines ably discusses common negative reactions among survivors, such as withdrawal and dissociation, and suggests ways to move on. Her chapters on 'Sexual Response and Anatomy' and 'Masturbation and Self-Healing' may come as a revelation to women who have repressed their sexual feelings, and partners, too, will find much of interest. Some survivors of abuse may not be ready, perhaps, for the advanced course in radical sex that Haines eventually launches into, but it is still good to learn that 'a suede whip will give more of a thud that spreads sensation at first; it will give more sting as it collects body oils.' --Regina Marler









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Customer Reviews
Average Rating:  out of 5 stars

Rating: 3 out of 5 stars - Good Introduction, Not Advanced
If you are a survivor of sexual abuse, primarily as a child, and you have not read other books on the subject, this can be a good first book. It introduces you to the concepts of alternative sexuality as normal, lays out guidelines to help you determine what is healthy sex for you, and offers some basic information about sex and sexuality. However if you have read other books or gone through a few years of therapy I don't think this book has much uniqueness to offer. If you are looking a solution, no book can offer you that, only lots of work and time can help things but there is no magic solution. Unfair? Completely since something that took a predator only minutes to do can take you years to recover from but then life isn't fair.



Rating: 1 out of 5 stars - Thoroughly Unhelpful
I purchased this book in the hope that it might encourage me to become more comfortable as a sexual being. It has, instead, only served to INCREASE my shame and avoidance of all things sexual. Ms. Haines' solutions are simplistic, her logic flawed. While I do admire her for striving to include people of all sexualities, including GLBTQ persons, polyamorous relationships, and those who practice S/M lifestyles, as those elements are rarely touched on in sexual healing materials, it is thoroughly insulting to suggest that people who do not wish to incorporate such elements into their sex lives are in some way "less than" those who do. Am I any less deserving of healing than someone with a broader range of sexual interests? Logic dictates not. Ms. Haines unequivocally says yes.

I feel worse about myself and my circumstances having read this book than I did before buying it. If a sexual trauma survivor is already well on the road to healing his/her sexual self, has a decent idea of his/her sexual needs and desires, and believes that they correspond with the aforementioned foci of this body of work, this book may well be beneficial in making those needs and desires realities. For anyone taking their first tentative and terrifying steps into reclaiming themselves, I would avoid this book like the plague.



Rating: 1 out of 5 stars - Don't hold your breath!
Don't believe the "Usually ships within 10-12 days". I ordered my copy last May, and am still waiting for it in September. Periodically, I receive e-mails to tell me that the delivery date has been delayed by a few weeks. I wonder if I will ever receive it.



Rating: 5 out of 5 stars - Great book, BUT.... NOT for devout Christians
First of all, why do I say this book is not for devout Christians? Well, Ms. Haines does not hide that she is a former manager at Good Vibrations, a VERY sex positive adult store in San Francisco. She is very blunt in her discussion of the sex act (she uses the 'f' word often). And is not disdainful of alternative sexual lifestyles (BDSM, polyamory, GLBT), but seems to rather encourage them. Her opinion seems to be that to recover your sexuality, you must be TRUE to your sexuality, whether that means you are gay, kink, or trans, then so be it, but OWN it. I, personally, found this to be refreshing, and helpful, however, many devout Christians will find this offensive and disgusting.

Her chapters are nicely laid out, and the exercises at the end of each chapter are well thought out, and truly make you think about your own sexuality.

Her tone is upbeat, and she notes that you should pause occasionally to check in with yourself to make sure that you are ok, and ready to continue.

All in all, I love this book, and can see myself reading and re-reading it many times.



Rating: 5 out of 5 stars - A MUST!
I am a survivor of Childhood molestation from birth to 14 by 3 different men. Then when I was 16 I was gang raped by 3 other men. Needless to say I hated sex, even the word made me sick. After 4 years of marriage to my wonderful husband I needed to do something to aid in my recovery. I read this book, followed the exersises and now I actually WANT SEX, ENJOY SEX,and am healing a much distressed relationship I had with my husband. And I say with all my heart, if you are ready to take that step, make the effort, THIS BOOK WILL HELP YOU! If you arnt ready than you can still try it and see if it makes you want to be ready. Trust me it is worth the money and the effort!




 





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November chip sales rose 2.3 percent year-on-year to $23.1 billion, the SIA said.

Unit demand has far outpaced last year. But falling chip prices have hurt industry revenue, the chip association said. For example, DRAM (dynamic RAM) bit shipments grew 25 percent in the three months through mid-December, but average selling prices have declined 20 percent over the same period.

The association also noted that rising energy prices and concerns about the sub-prime lending issue in the U.S. do not appear to have had a significant impact on consumer spending for the holidays, the SIA said. The group reiterated its forecast that worldwide semiconductor sales will reach a new record in 2007. But it will take a stronger than expected December selling season to reach the 3.8 percent growth goal the group had forecast earlier this year, the SIA said.

Investment banking firm Credit Suisse was not as optimistic as the SIA.

The November data was below normal seasonal trends, noted analyst John Pitzer, in a report on Monday. Even if December reaches its normal seasonal growth, 2007 industry revenue will only reach $255.7 billion, up 3.2 percent over last year. The growth percentage would fall short of the SIA's 3.8 percent target.

The slow November prompted Credit Suisse to lower its 2008 chip industry revenue forecast to 9.4 percent year-on-year growth, down from a previous target of 13 percent.


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In the realm of revenge thrillers, you'd be hard pressed to find more ultra-violent vengeance and psycho thrills than in the creepy story of Oldboy. This Korean import made a pop splash at the Cannes Film Festival and during its limited theatrical run thanks to the imprimatur of Quentin Tarantino, who raved about it and its visionary director, Chan-wook Park, to anyone who would listen. It's easy to see why QT fell in love with the grindhouse attitude, fast-paced action, violent imagery, and icy-black humor, but it's a disservice to think of Oldboy as another Tarantino homage or knockoff. The darkly existential undercurrent in the themes that Oldboy traces over its life-long narrative arc is much more complex and deeply disturbing than anything of its kind. The movie's tagline is, "15 years of imprisonment... 5 days of vengeance." The imprisonee is Oh Dae-Su, an ordinary Joe who is snatched off a Seoul street corner and locked away in a dank, windowless fleabag hotel room for the aforementioned 15 years. Just as abruptly he is released, and thus the five days begin. Why did this happen to Oh Dae-Su? Ah, but that would be telling, and in fact we don't know ourselves until the final wrenching scenes.

Oldboy breaks into a classic three-act saga, the first of which details the hallucinatory period of imprisonment in which Oh Dae-Su wades from mild insanity to outright psychosis in the hands of unseen yet attentive captors. Act 2 is the revenge, when an entirely different tone takes over and Oh Dae-Su moves with single-minded purpose and clarity. It's this section that has gained the most notoriety, primarily for the claw-hammer dentistry scene, the one-man-army tracking shot, and the wriggling octopus that Oh Dae-Su consumes in a sushi bar (he's been dead so long he simply needs life back inside him in any way possible). In act 3, answers finally start to emerge and the sinister atmosphere grows even more profound--not without a healthy dose of extra bloodletting, of course. Oldboy is an undeniably poetic masterpiece of tension, fury, and dynamic craft. Ultimately, its epic cycle of tragedy is of the sort that mankind has been inflicting upon itself for all time. Some of the images may be gruesome, but all converge into a kind of beauty. It's in the telling of this lurid tale that these details become one and the memories of pain ultimately heal. --Ted Fry
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Before he made the notorious cult hit Oldboy, South Korean director Chan-wook Park created Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance, an equally gruesome yet elegant meditation on revenge. Desperate to get a kidney transplant for his dying sister, a deaf and dumb young man named Ryu (Ha-kyun Shin, Save the Green Planet!) kidnaps the daughter of a wealthy industrialist named Park (Kang-ho Song, Shiri). Despite Ryu's best intentions, things go horribly awry, setting in motion a series of escalating revenges--to describe the plot in more detail would undercut the movie, because much of its power comes from the spare and skillful storytelling. Chan-wook Park is careful to ground the audience in the characters' emotional lives; when the violence begins, the bloody events unfold with the hypnotic power of the revenge tragedies of the Shakespearean era, which had over-the-top plots and littered the stage with bodies, yet were full of rich poetry. Park's eye for startling images and careful editing creates a visual poetry, grotesque yet often haunting. Certainly not a film for everyone--squeamish viewers had best beware, while anyone who wants their violence flagrant and guilt-free will be disappointed--but cinephiles looking to have their hearts squeezed along with their stomachs will enjoy Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance. --Bret Fetzer

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