Books : Arousal: The Secret Logic of Sexual Fantasies


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Books : Arousal: The Secret Logic of Sexual Fantasies


  

Arousal: The Secret Logic of Sexual Fantasies

by: Michael J. Bader




List Price: $15.95
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Binding: Paperback
Dewey Decimal Number: 613
EAN: 9780312302429
ISBN: 0312302428
Label: St. Martin's Griffin
Manufacturer: St. Martin's Griffin
Number Of Items: 1
Number Of Pages: 304
Publication Date: January 18, 2003
Publisher: St. Martin's Griffin
Studio: St. Martin's Griffin



Editorial Review:

Product Description:
In this fascinating and provocative book, Dr. Michael Bader offers a groundbreaking new theory of sexual desire. Drawing on his twenty-five years as a psychotherapist and psychoanalyst, Dr. Bader demonstrates that rather than being programmed by biology or society, sexual fantasies and preferences are really psychological antidotes to unconscious dangers. Armed with this novel theory, man and women will no longer need to feel ashamed about what arouses them or confused about what arouses others.


Amazon.com Review:
'The function of sexual fantasy is to undo the beliefs and feelings interfering with sexual excitement, to ensure both our safety and our pleasure,' writes clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst Michael Bader. In Arousal, Bader discusses the role of sexual fantasy as an unconscious problem solver and describes how his patients have come to understand the background, logic, and positive messages of their fantasies. Bader offers case studies of patients (heterosexual and gay) with varied conflicts, and analyzes their sexual fantasies in light of their desires, guilt, and past and current relationships. Most patients, Bader found, are able to resolve their issues by understanding the meaning and logic of their fantasies and then move on to more satisfying relationships.

Bader also interprets common sex fantasies and discusses sexual boredom in ongoing relationships, the power of pathogenic (irrational and self-defeating) beliefs, and sexual fantasies as a therapeutic key to problems that seem independent of sexuality, such as depression.

This provocative book is scholarly yet accessible to the lay reader interested in psychology. Although readers might be drawn in by the gritty, sexy details about Bader's patients, thoughtful readers also will learn about themselves and what their own fantasies may be addressing and revealing. --Joan Price









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Customer Reviews
Average Rating:  out of 5 stars

Rating: 5 out of 5 stars - Quantum Leap in Understanding Sexuality

Dr. Bader is fairly modest in tone in writing this book, but the fact is that this book is revolutionary. Wow.

I'm a professional personal coach helping fairly normal high-achievers achieve fully actualized lives. I create a high level of comfort with my clients, which leads to a fair proportion of them revealing their sexual fantasies to me.

I thought I was good at working with sexuality, but reading Arousal totally transformed my ability to help my clients understand and accept their fantasies and to vastly improve their sex lives.

If that weren't enough, the insight I gained brought my sex life back up from the worst to the best it's been at any time in my current relationship. My partner had very little insight into what she responded to sexually, and has never been able to provide clear feedback about what she likes. Using this book, I was able to transform my understanding of her childhood into some (clearly accurate) guesses about her preferences in bed.

Dr. Bader's theory that fantasy is about emotional safety is simple, profound, and transformative. He shows how our fantasies offer a clear and direct reflection of our deep emotional hurts and needs, and are a normal and healthy attempt to overcome them.

I expect the ideas in this book to become mainstream over the next decade. I only hope that Dr. Bader gets much of the credit.



Rating: 2 out of 5 stars - Disappointing....
I didn't find Dr. Bader's arguments to be very persuasive. He seemed to over simplify things to a point where nuance and complexity was lost. Perhaps the case studies that he used included much more data than he based his explantions on. If so, I wish he shared this additional information because a lot of his reasoning wasn't as obvious to me as it was to him. For example, I could come up with lots of alternative ways to interpret what was going on and for Dr. Bader it seemed like there was only one right interpreation -- his.

While this book has some value, especially for people who may not have read much in this area, I thought it was superficial. It wasn't complex enough for a psychotherapy audience and it didn't seem to be a good fit for the popular psyche market either.

I think one would get a better and clearer understanding from Jack Morin's book "Your Erotic Mind." I don't know of anything better out there on this topic. The two authors approach the subject differently, so if you own this book already, you may want to consider a different perspective.





Rating: 5 out of 5 stars - All Men Cheat...Except My Dad! Stop Shopping For Milk At The Hardware Store! Dr. Bader Deserves A Standing Ovation!
Okay, there are many books about sexuality and even some that focus on arousal. If I could stand up and clap for a great book that deals with sexuality on a universal level-I'd be giving a standing ovation to Dr. Bader.

I must tell you that this review is being written as a honorable tribute to a fantastic book on the attraction between 2 individuals. I can't think of what could be more important that being able to relate to another human being at a higher lever-so that we almost feel fused with our partner.
If you're not getting what you're looking for in a relationship or if you're not getting the level of arousal that you deserve-read Arousal: The Secret Logic of Sexual Fantasies and find the answers that you deserve.

We all have sexual fantasies and we all, at some point, find ourselves wishing to connect with someone at deep and loving level. It's normal to have fantasies and it's normal to have different sexual desires than our partners. Do you ever have a moment of "instant guilt" after an orgasm? There is a reason for everything! There is even a reason that we feel a glimpse of guilt after reaching an orgasm, and reasons why we have certain fantasies. We are all human and so much more related than we are different.

I think Michael Bader gives us permission, through understanding of the incredibe unconscious mind, to have the fantasies and desire that we do. This is a book for everyone who is interested in finding strength through our fantasies. It's for everyone-no matter what sex or orientation. On the other hand, he also takes time to help us understand the difference between normalcy and addiction-some of which is determined by society.

Thank you, Dr. Bader, for delivering a book on everything from fetishes to feelings, that helps us realize that how connected we are to others and to other things.

I hope that this reivew, even if only in part, was helpful to you.
[...]



Rating: 4 out of 5 stars - Enriching exploration of a little-understood topic
The thesis of "Arousal" is that psychological safety is the basis of the bewildering variety of sexual fantasies and preferences -- that the self sets up circumstances in which it feels safe to experience the power of its own sexuality. The way in which each of us does this differs according to our backgrounds. Our relationships with our parents are particularly important -- the elements and experiences in those relationships that made us feel safe or unsafe emotionally directly affect the way we experience our sexuality.

Thus, we can interpret sexual fantasies just as we interpret dreams: as symbols within which our complex needs and fears are encoded.

This book presents an enlightening perspective from which we can begin to understand our own sexual fantasies and preferences. Dr. Bader goes in-depth in exploring guilt, worry, and shame in sexuality; discusses the paradoxical nature of arousal -- the need for both selflessness and selfishness, for instance -- and presents a number of case studies to illustrate.

I'm not certain why other reviewers thought this book was too simplistic. Certainly the central thesis seems simple enough, but I found myself having difficulty following the internal logic of the patients in his case studies -- women who fantasize about being raped, cross-dressers, people who are into sadomasochism or "golden showers," etc. Although everyone seeks emotional safety, the variety of ways each person achieves this is staggering.

As someone who constantly searches for aids to my self-awareness, I had two basic reactions to this book. One was, "Duh, why didn't I think of this before?" The other was, "Wow, this is good stuff." To have an experienced therapist explore the topic in detail helped me to see the depth and complexity of what seems to be very simple on the surface, and provides a solid starting point for those who want to explore the issue more in-depth within themselves.



Rating: 2 out of 5 stars - don't bother
This book was way too simplistic. And, frankly, I just thought he was downright wrong in a few cases. Try The Erotic Mind for a book that is a lot more intelligent on this matter.




 





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